copyright bettina network, inc. 2015
I am sure you knew we would weigh in on this one. It is too good not to talk about over breakfast – and it was a great conversation. What was best about the conversation – it was honest. We did not talk platitudes; conversation society would expect or accept; we just talked.
The first question was of honesty; the roles of physicality, culture and identity; is there anything about physicality/biology that informs identity in an essential way. That is certainly what this public discussion has put forth. Somehow, according to the media, Ms. Dolezal’s biology has determined that she is not Black.
It gets really tiring the way color is discussed. One person is really Black – wow that brother is something else! Another is Black, but not Black enough. Another is ‘high yellow’ trying to be what she is not ‘Black’. She has AFrican American parents, but her Blackness is what is questioned. He doesn’t talk as though he is Black. She doesn’t dress as though she is Black. Who do they think they are – they know that’s not how Black folk act. and on and on. Who are they pretending to be – look at her, trying to be like Miss Ann. We’ve heard these conversations and more for decades.
And then we got into it. Is Rachel Dolezal Black? And who determines Blackness? Where are the determiners of who is Black and who is not. No one heard anything like that being discussed in this media onslaught. The discussions on television, in the print media, on the internet, etc. all were fraught with assumptions. The first – to be Black one had to be African Americans and apparently come from African American parents. That then allowed the charges of ‘dishonesty’ to come into play. Ms. Dolezal was ‘dishonest’ so she had to give up her Presidency, which she wouldn’t have if she hadn’t work for it. There are too many “Blacks” in the NAACP for someone to be elected President simply because they are Black. It was very disheartening to see the NAACP move Ms. Dolezal out of a position for which she put in hard work to achieve. Because they didn’t want to have this ‘distraction’? If this isn’t an issue of race and a primary issue of race which the NAACP needs to be addressing I don’t know what is.
That brought up – why, after all this time, did Ms. Dolezals mother decide to come out and take her daughter down. She did it in as wide spread and mean spirited way that she could – so the dysfunction in that family is out in the media for all to see. It is one thing to adopt and raise African American children – or any other minority child. It is quite another to be identified as the race of the child you are raising. Not many people could handle that and I have seen such adoptive parents bristle when someone saw the children and assumed they were also African American.
Many people, who have done such adopting, have not been able to get out of the ‘doing good for those poor minority folks’ syndrome. And I know many folks are going up in smoke when they read this – but take a look around. That doesn’t mean they have not loved, or cared for their adopted children. That just means it takes a lot to move out of your White Privilege into the Black Ghetto in which your adopted children live all of their lives. The White parents of such children have moments here and there where they can ‘escape’. The minority children don’t and won’t for their entire lifetime. What happens if those White parents gave up their White Privilege and lived with their children as minorities one and all? What a difference that would make in this society. What a statement that would make.
In mixed marriages in the 1940’s and 1950’s in the deep south the White partner generally left their White Privilege behind and lived as Black. Some knew they were Black, some thought they were simply light skinned African Americans.
With Rachel Dolezal’s family’s Native American ancestry, how does that fit into this conversation? Can one who is part Native American consider themselves Black? Some Native American tribes are trying to get all those with some African American ‘blood’ out of their tribes and deny them any advantages the tribe, with which they have identified for generations, could offer. Did the casino’s change the definition of who is Native American? What has changed the definition of who is Black? From everything I’ve seen and heard – Black is a culture – a way of talking, eating, playing, socializing, being. Lots of discussion has gone on around what it means to be Black and now with Rachel Dolezal all of that discussion has gone down the toilet. We are now in a mode of “protect the identity of White Privilege” – if the White Privileged person doesn’t have the smarts to protect their own identity then the rest of society must do it for them and is that what is happening with Rachel Dolezal? Hey kid, get back into your White tribe. In this case, the media has been charged with that duty. Drag her through everything so those other young people watching won’t try to do this. What a society this would be if hundreds, thousands of White children – wallowing in White Privilege would give it up and identify as Black. Would racism crack and break into pieces to be washed away in the next thunderstorm?
Rachel Dolezal did what Black Civil Rights groups have been ragging on Whites to do for decades. Don’t try to address the issues, problems, attempts at a solution for Blacks unless you give up your White Privilege and live the way racism forces ‘us’ to live. I’ve heard that so many times it got to be a bit disgusting – especially in the 1970’s. Generally brought up by a Black Male whose ego was wounded and felt White Women were taking his place and putting him down – out would come, “when you give up your White Privilege” then come and …………….. One reason to keep African American women out of the women’s movement was because they were ‘up against’ a group of White women who could run home to their White husbands or family and wash the pain and suffering of the people they were working with off their clothes and skin. They could run home and relax in their Whiteness and their White Privilege.
Who better to head the NAACP than a WOMAN who has given up the advantages and ability to oppress Blacks; than someone who has given up that White Privilege and whose life shows who she is, where she is comfortable, with whom she has decided to live her life and not for a week or a month or a year, but this has been for decades. AND, the only person who can determine if she is Black or not is Ms. Dolezal. It is her identity to put out there and our role is to respect how she defines herself. How many times have we heard – ‘who do you think you are defining me. Don’t you dare define me, you respect how I define myself.’
Everything but that has happened.
Honesty doesn’t even belong in this conversation. And neither do all the trappings – I know several women in my social circle who would not think of going out with having first used a spray tan. I know others who pay lots of money to have themselves “sprayed” before major events. If Ms. Dolezal uses spray tan – what’s the difference? One group uses it for frivolous cosmetic reasons – to make their skin darker. Ms. Dolezal uses it to be able to better fit in where she finds herself comfortable and is able to work on the issues and societal problems for which she has a passion. She is not working on them as a White Person – with all the privileges that screams. She is not patronizing anyone – in fact, to give up her Whiteness to work on these issues takes all of the inequality away from the groups she is working with and for.
The media has set the conversation and has determined which questions need to be asked and what the answers should be for Ms. Dolezal to pass their ‘examination’. Their questions are racist and sexist and the tone they set for this conversation is one to maintain the status quo. For heavens sake lets get out in front of this before more of ‘our’ children start using spray tan and working in the civil rights movements after having given up their White Privilege. WELL – here is someone who has chosen not to be able to wash off all of that and to live a Black life. And here we are taking her down from the NAACP and goodness knows what else.
All of us – in theory – are against prejudice based on race. Most of us can not sustain that when it comes to one on one interactions. We substitute ‘personality disorder’, ‘crazy’, ‘not the right kind of person to take this issue forward’, and I could go on and on and on with these excuses.
Now – someone who was effective in dealing with a part of racism and sexism in her part of the world has been “outed” and made to resign the posts for which she has moved the conversation and the society forward. There are no qualifications within the NAACP that one be Black or White or African American or Chinese or whatever to work within that organization or as one of its officers. In many organizations there have been people who were gay who masqueraded as straight. There have been people who were Black who passed for White. I have Chinese friends who have had their eyes widened and who then look European. Is this dishonest?
This is not a big deal in a racist society. This is not a question of honesty or dishonesty, because this is not a society which is color blind. It is a racist, sexist society and honesty has a value which does not belong nor fit into this issue. We are throwing it around and using it in ways to maintain our status quo. How ‘hones’t is a person who felt called to the ordained ministry and masquerades as a straight man to become ordained – then masquerades as a straight man to be elected bishop. He was not “outed” for his “dishonesty”. That was never an issue. Why not – given this Rachel incident. We have held up and honored such a person – looking at their achievements in the area of their choice rather than the “dishonesty” of what they had to do to be able to do the work we raise up and cherish. But then, he was a White man.
What is dishonest is using biology to define race where that is a ridiculous argument. What is dishonest is to claim physicality to define race and use it to distinguish and defines one person as better than another because of their race – no matter how veiled the argument may be. It is only a question of time before someone decides she is mentally unstable and should see a psychiatrist. That is usually said by the people who are in actual need of serious therapy.
What is needed to bring about major change is to require that anyone working on the issues of race give up their White Privilege and become Black. Then, you can know the issues on which you are working a lot better; you can focus knowing you are not going home to that White Suburban existence from which you came to do this ‘nobles oblige’ work. Then Blacks can know you are serious about what you claim to believe about racism and how to address this problem.
Ms. Dolezal needs to be a role model – a requirement for those in society who want to see race/skin color/and more eliminated from society.
There is no biological separation of someone who is Black from the rest of society – this conversation is putting all of those requirements in place without actually taking on such an overt discussion. Bo Derek broke the White/Black hair thing decades ago when she was declared a “10” with all of her Rostifarian hair braids. Blacks declared the hair line broken when Madam Walker developed the cosmetic that straightened African Americans hair – and the hair of Whites with curly hair who wanted it to look less curly and more straight. But now we have this uproar also over Ms. Dolezals hair. Is it acceptable in some contexts to have an Afro or African American hair style, but in other contexts it is ‘not honest’. Interesting is how we held up a woman with a “Black” hair style when it was a decorative thing, frivolous, girlish thing to do and it didn’t mean anything except women were experimenting with their bodies again and their value is in their bodies in this society. So Bo Derek was experimenting with her “image” on a very superficial level so the furor over that was very low level and very short lived – in fact, many White women took up her style after she came out with those braids. The same thing with ‘spray tan’. It is fine when used as a cosmetic, frivolous thing to enhance the physical beauty of a woman, but not when it is used to allow someone to follow their passion to work to change the society in which we all live. A woman’s value, after all is in her physical beauty, her physical appearance.
What is not honest is the racism running rife through this discussion without anyone calling the media-people who have introduced their racism into this discussion and having them answer for the direction in which this discussion is going and the damage they are trying to do to Rachel Dolezal so others won’t follow her example. Something slightly akin to a witch hunt and what happens to the witch when she has been exposed. Delicious here is the fact that this witch was exposed by her mother. That must warm the cockles of some New Englanders’ hearts.
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Ed. Note: Members of the Bettina Network Lifestyle Community can contribute to the Bettina Network Blog whenever they have anything they want to say and be heard by this fantastic group of people. Send your blog to bettinanetwork@comcast.net or mail it to us at P. O. Box 380585 Cambridge, MA. 02238 or call us on the telephone at 617-497-9166 to tell us what you want to say and we will write it for you.
Volunteer with Bettina Network Foundation, inc. to work estate sales; to help move items from one home to another; to contribute your ideas on how we can better use our resources in this effort to relieve and eliminate homelessness and poverty. We also need photographers; designers; and more. However much or little time you have, we are grateful.
Send your event information to be included in Bettina Network’s Menu of Events to: bettina-network@comcast.net
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Martin Luther King Day at Bettina’s
Tuesday, January 20th, 2015copyright Bettina Network, inc. 2015
Hate murdered a man, at 39 years of age, who preached love.
It has been amazing and humbling to watch the progress of the Martin Luther King holiday over the years. We watched from the beginning, when there was much conflict, confrontation, opposition, loud voices of angry protest at the very idea that such a man, with his history and achievements should be honored. We watched until today when the determination and love of those who were going to make sure Martin and the work of the Black Civil Rights movement was recognized. This 2015 year we celebrated and recognized a man and a movement with time out of school for our children, to the closing of banks, the post office and some of our corporations. To get even this far, has been a long, hard, painful, but very rewarding journey for many.
How do we treat greatness when discovered or suspected in African Americans?
We attended and participated in events which recognized Martin Luther King and the movement of which he was one of the leaders. The events, their venues, the people participating were a cross section – not only of America – but across parts of the world where the work of the Civil Rights Movement was remembered.
There was much “breakfast table talk” about the history which brought us to this day. We hope it continues throughout the year. I thought we would share some of that conversation with you:
“We had a fantastic breakfast – I would have to call it a ‘breakfast seminar.’ Only one person at the table had been through the Civil Rights Movement which created this holiday. The rest of us were either not yet born or were on the other side. I was one of those on the other side at the time because, to me, what was happening with the protests, the disruptions, the dogs, the hoses aimed at the hurting of even young children was something I couldn’t abide. I didn’t think there was anything wrong with life the way we were living it. My point of view was not that of those who were willing to die for their freedom and were looking to the future at their children’s future, but of someone whose life was being disrupted. Not seriously disrupted, but enough to be inconvenienced and I just wanted it to stop and things to go back to the way they were. I don’t know when God took hold of me to shake me up and to shake those attitudes out of my life, but somehow it happened and I am now a part of the Black Lives Matter demonstrations. My grey hair can be seen among all of those young people and I hope somehow, even though it is a very little and very late, my efforts will matter to those who come behind me.”
Are you listening out there in Simi Valley? How diverse is your neighborhood!
WOW!
“What a history lesson! I remember studying the Civil Rights Movement in school. We learned about Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. and what that time was all about, but I had never talked to someone who was a part of that history before. This was a very different perspective. I think of history as being about the study of dead people and past times. Here I was in the middle of a conversation with someone who lived that history and those past times are still with us today. I have never been a part of a demonstration of any kind. Never talked to anyone who had. Didn’t intend to talk to anyone who was a part of something like that and here I was in the middle of breakfast deep into a conversation that changed my life. Thank you to my breakfast companions for putting up with me. My responses must have been horrible to you, yet you were so kind – well almost kind, after you got over the shock of my being at the breakfast table. I don’t know what I expected, but certainly not what happened. I have never even thought twice about the Martin Luther King holiday. No different from all those other holidays I don’t celebrate. Maybe it is the newness of this one – with the pain still being felt by those who experienced the events which led up to this being important enough to remember once a year. This is, however, a holiday I am bringing back to my family to celebrate every year by learning something new about that time in history and by trying to be a little better about dealing with my prejudices which have caused so many people pain. But – is ‘celebrate’ really what I want to say. I almost feel as though we should all be in sack cloth and ashes for what we’ve done, but ‘celebrate’ is what I feel.”
A truth the world needs to hear! From the world’s elite, the corporate billionaires, the religious aristocrats, the homeless on our streets, no one is immune from the need to be silent so we can be accepted. “I am sorry, but I can’t get involved. Only when my earthly masters signal their approval.”
“A small group of us (women all) get together every year on Martin Luther King day to try to continue to work through our conflicting thoughts about the Black Civil Rights Movement. It was a difficult time for us. Women – who were discriminated against, not only by the wider society, but also by the Black Civil Rights Movement. It was very male oriented and some, in the movement, felt embarrassed if women were perceived as being in any leadership position. We withdrew, but still supported what was happening with our money, by marching and by being a part of. At the same time, we gathered together to fight for the equality of women and here was an example where those discriminated against were discriminating against us. That is so the human condition! Flawed, full of sin, dragging our own history and almost blind to that of others. Our time together, each year, is to try to reconcile and acknowledge our being human and to root out our separateness to be able to embrace everyone and not feel victimized as we work with those also fighting for their freedom in a society which seems to need to have a group on top and a group less than and which needs to manage and continue their being on top by playing one ‘less than’ group against another.”
“I love Bettina’s. It is a safe place to be able to express whatever and you never know who is going to be at breakfast. May you all live long and prosper.”
Ed Note: We had a lot more expressions of breakfast at Bettina’s on Martin Luther King Day. We shared just a few. The places where people came from, knowing the history of King and the Movement amazed even us. We could put this all together in a book, but we will stop here. Hope this gives more meaning to your day and information to your life.
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Learn More About How We Use Your Donation!
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______________________________________________________________
Want to join us? Have a home that you want to open to become one of Bettina Network’s Hedge Schools? Call us and lets talk – or email us.
Ed. Note: Members of the Bettina Network Lifestyle Community can contribute to the Bettina Network Blog whenever they have anything they want to say and be heard by this fantastic group of people. Send your blog to bettinanetwork@comcast.net or mail it to us at P. O. Box 380585 Cambridge, MA. 02238 or call us on the telephone at 617-497-9166 to tell us what you want to say and we will write it for you.
Volunteer with Bettina Network Foundation, inc. to work estate sales; to help move items from one home to another; to contribute your ideas on how we can better use our resources in this effort to relieve and eliminate homelessness and poverty. We also need photographers; designers; and more. However much or little time you have, we are grateful.
Send your event information to be included in Bettina Network’s Menu of Events to: bettina-network@comcast.net
This is a curated blog so you cannot write your responses at the end of each entry. TO RESPOND TO THIS BLOG email bettina-network@comcast.net or info@bettina-network.com
TO LEARN MORE about Bettina Network, inc. try www.bettina-network.com
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Tags: African American history, bed & breakfast, Bettina Homes, Bettina Network Information, breakfast table talk, Martin Luther King, Racism
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