I just read the article about spending Christmas with a Christian family. It was great! My experience in a Bettina Home/Hedge School was different, but still great!
I wanted to spend Christmas with another culture – another group – I wanted to know what it was like spending Christmas in the “ghetto”. Although today I use that word because the rest of you need that descriptor.
I spent Christmas in a neighborhood in D. C. I would have been afraid to wander into alone. Not because there was any real trouble, but because my conditioning made me really scared to wander into a mostly black neighborhood. My thoughts were I would have been taking my life into my hands and better to stay out than to be sorry. That sounds bad, but I know those thoughts are shared by many of – at least my friends.
It was great.
I hope you forgive any racism you find in this article. Attribute it to my upbringing and current friends.
When I arrived at the home it was with fear and I wondered as I rang the bell if I was sane or had lost my marbles trying this.
A woman opened the door. She was expecting me, but maybe not someone so white. My skin is very white – as is my hair. I didn’t feel white until I walked into their living room, which was full of people. As I looked around they were all colors. None as white as my Scandinavian self, but they were not who I expected. Somehow, I expected a black family to be black – dark of skin. These folks varied from very dark to light tan. There was a lovely Christmas tree and the house smelled of food cooking. I was just in time for dinner.
The food for dinner was Italian. Why? Because it was prepared by a couple of the light tan people in the room. I realized in another context I would have seen them as white, but in this living room I saw them as not white, but light skinned blacks. They were Italian. One was an in-law, the other a cousin. I was too shy at that point to ask more questions.
Dinner was great! There was much laughter, many jokes told at someone else’s expense and I was on the hot seat to talk about why I wanted this “voyeur” experience. At that moment, all my reasons evaporated and I felt really weird. After a very feeble attempt at an answer that didn’t sound either racist or ridiculous someone changed the topic and we went back to having a great time.
The table was blessed with an incredibly beautiful poem which I wanted to take home. Instead I was given a book which contained the poem.
We opened presents, talked half the night and went to bed.
This was not the home of a wealthy person – or even someone who could be called “middle class”. These folks were struggling financially just to survive from one day to the next. I slept on the sofa in a small room off the living room. It was not private, but I knew that before I arrived and privacy in the middle America sense seemed out of place here. People crossed boundaries I was accustomed to – constantly.
Breakfast the next morning was more of the same. We had a breakfast I loved, but would never have made. Eggs, bacon, unbelievable biscuits, and grits! I didn’t want to leave the table. My breakfast is normally fresh fruit, yogurt and an organic piece of bread. Since I brought the coffee I got to make it and it was the center of attention and many jokes. Organic, French roast coffee was great, but not the coffee and chicory the family normally had for breakfast and sometimes all during the day.
Christmas Day was unbelievable! People came and went all day long bringing gifts, food, talk and although I expected to be ‘odd man on the side’, I was just one of the family. I was clearly expected to be a “host” taking care of people as they arrived, making sure everyone was comfortable, all the things one does when company arrives. I loved every minute.
All colors of people came and went and families that showed up together were also all colors. As the day wound down I realized maybe racism was a white thing because the whites and many shades of blacks who shared this Christmas were just a normal part of life with this family. I remember hearing and making comments with friends that maybe blacks would be uncomfortable in one or another situation with whites. What I saw was blacks having whites in their families and nobody being uncomfortable about any of it. I was uncomfortable when I arrived being what I thought was the only white person in the room until I saw the whites in the family and those arriving with other so called “black” families of which they were a part.
We went for a walk in the afternoon, all around the neighborhood and I wondered as we walked and talked what it was that struck fear into my heart and kept me from walking alone through this neighborhood! As we passed people coming and going from their homes there was always a few words exchanged, if not an entire conversation. No one passed us during our walk who we didn’t acknowledge with a smile or even a bit of conversation. To say we were a loud group taking this walk would be an understatement, but we didn’t even notice we were caught up in the back and forth with each other.
The day after Christmas they had a surprise for me. Someone had gotten a keyboard for Christmas which was standing next to the tree. A couple musicians arrived with their instruments and we had an incredible session of singing for about an hour, after which the musicians had to leave and I was exhausted. They were accustomed to having lots of people around all the time. I was accustomed to having people around who called, made an appointment or a date to get together and mostly other times I was alone.
What struck me with this family – blacks are known to be very religious so I expected to spend all day on Christmas in Church. We had prayer before eating, but that was it. We didn’t go to Church. Our Christmas was spent together with family, friends and those who came along with family and friends. Some were complete strangers who came with a friend or family member and all were instantly incorporated into this family as though they had known each other for years.
At the end of my time in this home I realize I’ve made new friends and took home a new attitude. And, I spent an unusual and really fantastic Christmas.
Back home, my friends who seemed close and a part of my extended family I realized were really not close to me at all and I didn’t have an extended family. I have a few people I can call on occasion but who I really can’t just show up to visit with on holidays. or any other time. If I am not invited I stay away. It would be awkward for everyone if I just invited myself to a holiday or any time or celebration. Mostly, I spend those alone because my family is in another state and I don’t make the effort to travel there for holidays. This Christmas has changed all of that and I am looking at changing my life. I thought it was great. At this moment I think it is cold and isolated and I don’t know how that happened or why I made the choices that produced that kind of lifestyle. I do now have friends in another part of the city which looks very warm and friendly to me and I will probably visit again – if not the family with whom I stayed I will certainly walk around the neighborhood and shop there from time to time, maybe my shell and shelter will change. My beautiful bedroom with king sized bed is not nearly as comfortable as that sofa on which I spent Christmas.
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Ed. Note: Members of the Bettina Network Lifestyle Community can contribute to the Bettina Network Blog whenever they have anything they want to say and be heard by this fantastic group of people. Send your blog to bettinanetwork@comcast.net or mail it to us at P. O. Box 380585 Cambridge, MA. 02238 or call us on the telephone at 617-497-9166 to tell us what you want to say and we will write it for you. Please also tell us if you want your name as your byline or if you want your article to appear without your name.
Volunteer with Bettina Network Foundation, inc. to work estate sales; to help move items from one home to another; to contribute your ideas on how we can better use our resources in this effort to relieve and eliminate homelessness and poverty. We also need photographers; designers; and more. However much or little time you have, we are grateful.
Send your event information to be included in Bettina Network’s Menu of Events to: bettina-network@comcast.net
New to Bettina Network’s Lifestyle Community!
Wednesday, December 27th, 2017Hello Everybody,
I am brand new to this Community and so far, I love it.
So far, I have not taken advantage of much, but I thought I would write a blog, especially since I am just now beginning to understand what Bettina Network Hedge Schools and being a part of the Bettina Network Lifestyle Community means. I wasn’t sure when I first discovered all of you, but having stayed at a Hedge School, the concept and its execution are really fantastic.
First, I have to tell you that I am Jewish.
Why is that important for you to know?
Because I have always wanted to know what it was like being a part of a “Christian” Christmas and I think that is true of many of us. I was not looking to convert or anything else, just to satisfy my curiosity.
From the time I was a very small child, the trees, the toys in the decorated stores and all the rest made me wish to be a part of that – and so this year I took the plunge. As a start, I called Bettina Network to see what they offered – fully expecting them to hang-up on my request, but instead we made reservations. I’ve had three days of magic and I am leaving for home this morning with all of my questions answered and a new way of looking at life understanding others, but especially understanding how rich and full a word like “diversity” means and what it has to offer all of us. I don’t know how this sounds to many of you, but it is where I am at the moment and the reason for my writing this blog.
When I arrived at my Bettina Network Hedge School, I slept in a room with my own Christmas tree; celebrated around the tree in the family’s living room; went to Church with them on Christmas morning and to dinner as a part of the family on Christmas afternoon and into the late evening.
One of their traditions was to open one present around the tree on Christmas Eve before going to “midnight mass”. Not really midnight because it was more like 9:30pm. There was indeed one present for everyone around that tree. We had bubbly apple cider or champagne – your choice. I thought I would be the observer on the sidelines for this celebration and I was prepared to play that role because this was after all, not about my conversion nor inclusion, but to satisfy my curiosity. Imagine my surprise when my name was called and there was my present. What I especially liked, nothing was expensive – everything was made by someone in the family and mine was a mixture of real food as a lotion for my hands. I loved it.
We went to midnight mass and that was beautiful. I have heard and sung Christmas Carols over past years, but this was the first time I sang them in the context for which they were composed.
By the time we reached breakfast on the day after Christmas I faced the shock of separation I was so fully incorporated into this family and its Christmas celebration.
On Christmas morning – all the presents were opened. I didn’t get one because none of the adults exchanged gifts, the presents and opening of the presents was for those under 20 years old. I guess the older teenagers were included to help them gradually move from child to adult.
Christmas dinner was fantastic. Nothing really different, just lots of food with a beautifully decorated table. The big attraction was the community the dinner produced. It included a couple people who were homeless and had been picked up for the celebration. I don’t know how the family knew them or where they came from, but here we were and you couldn’t tell the difference between us. That huge economic gap didn’t show. That for me was the most amazing part of this Christmas celebration. Once in bed for the night, for reasons I don’t quite understand my thoughts went back to the homeless and I cried myself to sleep.
Having to go home has put me into grief. Not because I wanted to stay. Nor because I thought their life and religion and holiday celebration were better than mine, but because I realized how much we have all lost in the way we separate ourselves from one another on all levels. We have taken away from this world what is best about it and we only seem to be able to move further and further away from one another defining ourselves in such a way that we have to move away to maintain ourselves as ‘different from’, ‘better than’ and all those other descriptors that mean so much to this world and those of us who live in it.
I hope you’ve all had a wonderful Christmas. I certainly did and I am very grateful to Bettina Network Hedge Schools for being there so I could have the experience of a lifetime. I am delighted to be a member of your lifestyle community and look forward to my next foray into what you offer. No resorts – No running around to all the events I could afford – No pressing my nose against the glass wondering what its like on the other side – just a real experience with real people and I will never forget it.
Thanks folks! And may you all have a wonderful holiday, whatever it is you celebrate!
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Learn More About How We Use Your Donation!
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_________________________________________________________
Ed. Note: Members of the Bettina Network Lifestyle Community can contribute to the Bettina Network Blog whenever they have anything they want to say and be heard by this fantastic group of people. Send your blog to bettinanetwork@comcast.net or mail it to us at P. O. Box 380585 Cambridge, MA. 02238 or call us on the telephone at 617-497-9166 to tell us what you want to say and we will write it for you. Please also tell us if you want your name as your byline or if you want your article to appear without your name.
Volunteer with Bettina Network Foundation, inc. to work estate sales; to help move items from one home to another; to contribute your ideas on how we can better use our resources in this effort to relieve and eliminate homelessness and poverty. We also need photographers; designers; and more. However much or little time you have, we are grateful.
Send your event information to be included in Bettina Network’s Menu of Events to: bettina-network@comcast.net
Tags: bed & breakfast, Bettina Homes, Bettina Network Hedge Schools, Bettina Network's Lifestyle Community, Guest Comments, Hedge Schools
Posted in Bed & Breakfast, Bettina Homes, Bettina Network Blog, Bettina Network Educational Institute, Bettina Network Hedge Schools, Bettina Network's Lifestyle Community, Guest comments, Hedge Schools | Comments Off on New to Bettina Network’s Lifestyle Community!