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In Memory of Roger Fisher

Tuesday, August 28th, 2012

by: Marceline Donaldson

Sprinkled through Bettina Network’s Blog you will find memories of people we knew and with whom we have interacted over the years. This time, it is someone who was one of those – along with Larry Susskind of MIT – who were majorly responsible for the growth and survival of Bettina Network, inc.

Roger Fisher was on my mind over the past week – because I wanted to thank him for helping us begin and move forward with the bed & breakfast part of this business. I didn’t know where to find him and didn’t push to discover his whereabouts so the newspaper informed me this morning of Roger Fisher’s death.

A long time ago, in 1984, Roger Fisher and Larry Susskind turned up at our front door to talk about the possibility of using Bettina’s for their guests coming from around the world. I remember Roger Fisher sitting in our living room when one of those working with him took me aside to ask if I knew we were entertaining “God”. That was my introduction to Roger Fisher. My response was – then “God” has come to the right place because we are building heaven’s annex. Clearly, we understood there were at least two major ego’s in that room that day!

We were just starting this business and unlike those who claim to have started on a shoe string of maybe $10,000 in debt, we started this business with some $1,000,000 in debt. I had no idea what I was doing – I knew why – I thought I really knew all there was to know about business – we had some experience with bed & breakfast in another house, but not much – so here we were not sure where we would land, how we would pull this off or where to turn and “God” walked into our living room.

Roger Fisher and Larry Susskind sent us lots of guests and set the tone for what we would become. Larry and Leslie would come to stay when the weather was bad and they couldn’t make it to Southborough. Unfortunately for us, they now live in Cambridge.

Over that time period, there were White and Black South Africans in the house at the same time just across the hall from one another before Nelson Mandela and the dismantling of apartheid. They had never been together before and it was exhilarating for them and for us as they giggled together; went to dinner together; worked together and with Roger and Larry tried to bring about something that hadn’t been seen in South Africa for generations. We became a bit worried when the last two days of their stay the house became as quiet as a tomb. The White South Africans and the Black South Africans had separated; went to dinner in their separate groups; stopped going back and forth from one room to another and generally pulled apart, leaving for the airport in two vans – one with the White South Africans, one with the Black South Africans. We called Larry because we were concerned something had happened and learned about “re-entry”. Something the soul does for you when you are going back into the separatist situation from which you’ve come.

We had Hindu’s in the house the day Gandhi was shot and we were expecting another couple the next day who were Sikh’s. We had Greek Cypriots and Turks’ sharing the house at the same time during some difficult days for them and before all of them we had Russians before Perestroika.

At one point with the Russians we knew we were going to be picked up by the CIA and hauled off to federal prison because we knew nothing about what was coming, we only knew the Russians were the enemy and here they were exchanging research across our breakfast table with their American counterparts and who were their hosts? – Roger Fisher and Larry Susskind.

Our breakfasts were nothing short of sensational and we were heady being able to talk and listen and understand what was happening in the world outside of the very narrow vision of what was normal for Boston and Cambridge. We were spared guests who talked about the weather, their aches and pains and their miscreant children.

We thought this was what bed & breakfast was all about and we shaped a business following the path laid out for us by Roger Fisher and Larry Susskind. Without them we would have taken a different turn and probably would be sitting on the street corner wrapped in a sleeping bag – although a very elegant one!

You go through life and never really know what or how you have touched someone else’s life. My procrastination in reaching out to Roger Fisher to say thank you is kind of typical of the way most of us live with the assumption that life is forever. It is not and those words of gratitude and appreciation need to be said long before the end comes.

This is very late Roger Fisher, but thank you!! Thank you for helping us understand how we could carry that $1 million in debt, survive and grow a business which contributes goodness to life. We don’t pretend to know much about Negotiation the way you and Larry Susskind developed it, but we do know how human and equal we all become around a table sharing food and good conversation – that alone gives hope that one day we will stop the intense violence, pretending that it will solve our conflicts and bring about peace.

Those first few years when we entertained bed & breakfast guests from the Negotiation Project sent to us by Roger Fisher and Larry Susskind were days we shall never forget and days we always keep uppermost in our minds as a paradigm for this Bettina Network business.

We reached the point, in those days, of not wanting to have guests if they did not have great wisdom to contribute over the breakfast table. Today, we have some remembrances of that and we strive to bring everyone who visits our homes and our host families into an understanding of what that was like and how fantastic a business this is when we keep those standards, that conversation, those dreams of a world full of diversity where we can come together, disagree, work through those disagreements and walk into a very bright light after breakfast.

Roger, may you walk into a great light and enjoy the fruits of your life’s work as you enter another sphere of growing in wisdom, knowledge and understanding in a way we will not understand until we reach that end point where we join you in your endeavors.

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Tags: bed & breakfast, Bed and Breakfast in Cambridge MA, Bed and Breakfast in Harvard Square, Bettina Network History, Bettina Network Information, breakfast table talk, Gandhi, Greek Cypriots, Hindus, Historical Home, Larry susskind, Making Connections, Memorial, Negotiation Project, Roger Fisher, Russia, Sikhs, South Africa, Turks
Posted in An editorial just because, Bettina Network Info, Breakfast Table Talk, Growing Old, Historical Support, Making Connections, Memorials, Preserving Family History and Stories | Comments Off on In Memory of Roger Fisher

The Brotherhood

Monday, June 25th, 2012

Today, the American Brotherhood is pulling in its antenna and licking its wounds.

It will be interesting and very educational to see how they come back from the Sandusky Affair.

Normally, the oppressed lose – especially in areas which re-enforce one or more of society’s isms. In this case sexism and pedofilia in sports was rampant and on view for all who didn’t put their heads in the sand. The areas which have our rituals and symbols; which we use to pull in the unsuspecting fans and followers who are just along for the ride – these were the areas under a very high, hot microscope all during the Sandusky revelations. What the fans and followers perceive as the excitement of ‘their team’ winning and losing has been totally exposed for what it is and we see it, for one brief moment, stripped naked.

I was not raised in a sport, nor watching sports games, nor close to anything that had to do with sports. When I became an adult, I was missing the language, history and excitement which sports and sport figures could invoke in most people around me – and for this blessing I am grateful.

To talk about Chopin was not very exciting – especially when one had the option of talking about the local ball game. I didn’t even know which sport the different named ball clubs played. I did know it was all male, all the time and the testosterone which exuded from this area was more than a little overwhelming. Women were included and had a very important place in this Court as cheer leaders, team followers, extras for those times when team members needed more sex. When you think how women and girls were pushed into cheering and accepting all of this if they wanted to exist even on the periphery of society, it is heartbreaking.

Sandusky’s trial has thrown all of that in high relief. This was not simply a case of one man, all by himself, corrupting and destroying the life and future of many mother’s sons. It is a case of one man, because of his position in the sports field, bringing the men in the sport together to support and draw the wagons around him so he could continue his ‘sport’ unafraid and unstoppable. In fact, at one point didn’t he brag to one of his young victims that he was ‘unstoppable?’

I can just hear the furor of those reading this and being quite upset about my painting all sports and participants in sports with the same brush. Well, why not. We have had more scandal in the sports arena than anyplace else. The only area of society which tops politics in its sleeze. The difference between the two comes from the fact that we readily talk about how low one has to stoop to participate in politics. Sports is still a sacred cow. We protect and hunker down to make sure we take out those who would dare to talk out loud about the corrupting influence of sports on everyone.

What is at stake? Have you ever tried to buy a ticket to a game? The cost is prohibitive. Have you noticed how much the players are paid? For doing what? For not growing up past their adolescence and being able to play with each other the way they did at 13, 14, 15, and on? For being ‘real’ men in the locker room for men only where men’s jokes were told, and men bonded in a male way. Women could never come close to this sacred space. In the religion of sports, the sports locker room is its sacristy for its clergy.

Where your money is there also is your value system. Our value system is in the ‘top dogs’ – the sportsmen, the political men, the business men. But the sports area far exceeds the power and prestige of any of the others. What do they have in common? They share a bond around elevating sports to the very highest level and taking their manhood from their ability to participate in, talk about, go to sports events.

What was given to you as a business person for your clients? Tickets to the ballgames because this was a big deal gift. What did you talk about sitting around having coffee? Sports! Who did you want to be around to prove you were really one of the ‘in’ guys? Sports figures – the bigger the sports figure, the more important you looked to those with whom you were trying to do business. And what does our biggest politicans and businessmen want to own? A sports team!

And then comes Sandusky! Opening closed doors – showing us what happens in those ‘male only’ places – initiating young boys into a life which makes them vulnerable to those who come after him. And then comes the Sandusky supporters – sports figures all! Many years of covering-up, hiding, coming together to make sure he was free of and not encumbered by any ‘justice’ issues. Males all! Sports males all!

So what now? Do we eliminate sports? Do we clean it up? Do we go on as if nothing happened? Do we blame Sandusky and try to clean up everyone else? How can we when Sandusky followed the pattern set out by many unrecognized sleeze-its who came before. He became big in his field – too big to fail. He lived his life so the conscience of others could be eased – he set up a foundation to help others (although there are claims that he set it up to corral young boys so he wouldn’t have to go out looking and risking) – he kept the façade of a family man with a loving family – he was almost the beat your chest Tarzan guy from whom one would expect to hear the jungle call at any moment.

When all of this broke, I went back to look at some old film of Sandusky at work – sometimes surrounded by those who ‘protected’ him from the potetial charges of his young victims. The film shows him being held up by those around him – held in high esteem by those who knew the truth of his activities with young boys. In some films he looks invincible! Given what I watched, I don’t see how any of his victims had the courage to come forward. He looked like an awesome, respectable, very much in control of his sport kind of guy.

To try to modernize sports – with the success of the Women’s Movement – we have allowed in a very small percentage of women as players. Not women making the kind of money the men make, but enough to have kept the civil righters from marching against the sports establishment.

With sports came men’s clubs – closed to women and non-whites. At one time they were only open to Northern Europeans, but over time some non-Northern Europeans were allowed in. In many private men’s clubs, they kept the curious and more aggressive women out by putting their locker room at the entrance to the club. To enter one had to go through the locker rooms and the locker rooms were a reflection of the sports arena’s locker rooms.

Suffice it to say, it is time to take down and dismantle this bastion of male superiority which is one of the ground floor structures of sexism – racism and pedofilia. It used to be the ground floor structure of all the -isms before teams were forced to accept African American and other minority males. And what happened when those doors were open? You can’t tell the difference. Those minorities taken in totally reflect what went before – to a color blind person, there has been very little change. With the exception that minority sports figures are hung out to dry if they are not squeaky clean. That should speak to them loud and clean.

Now What!

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Want to join us? Have a home that you want to open to become one of Bettina Network’s Hedge Schools? Call us and lets talk – or email us.

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This is a curated blog so you cannot write your responses at the end of each entry. TO RESPOND TO THIS BLOG email bettina-network@comcast.net or info@bettina-network.com

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Tags: bed & breakfast, breakfast table talk, Sandusky
Posted in Bettina's Hall of Shame, Breakfast Table Talk, Making Connections | Comments Off on The Brotherhood

Marriage Talk at a Bettina Network Home

Tuesday, May 22nd, 2012

Must tell you about this breakfast. We had a priest and a lawyer at the table and thought this would be kind of boring. However, it turned out to be unbelievable.

I will give you, dear reader, highlights – you dear editor, write too many words when you blog:)

I don’t know how we got onto the subject of marriage because I was in the kitchen – got to cook breakfast, you know. No lounging around talking at the table. I have to catch snippets of conversations.

What was most striking was, it turned around my traditional view of marriage. I thought marriage was a ceremony performed by the Church, Synagogue, Temple, etc. and I don’t know where I put the marriage license which I know is issued by a governmental entity, but I just didn’t think about all of the details until this conversation.

Turns out, marriage is a civil contract dictated by the State. To officiate at someone’s wedding you must be licensed by the State. If a priest is ordained that doesn’t mean he can marry anyone. He/she can only do that if the priest got a license from the State in addition to his/her ordination. Anyone can get a license to marry anyone. You can get a license to perform one marriage ceremony or you can get a continuing license to perform the marriage ceremony for lots of people as an ongoing thing and you don’t have to be ordained to apply for and obtain such a license. Oh – all of my sacred cows are being toppled!!!!!!!!!!!! Maybe I should just stay in the kitchen and cook and stay out of the dining room.

Actually, according to the priest, the two people marry themselves. The person officiating is only there as a witness and doesn’t really do the marrying – it is all between the two people and their community of friends.

The lawyer pointed out that if we had problems believing that then we should recognize that once married, to get divorced that is a State process. If you get ‘divorced’ by your religious institution and re-marry you will be called a bigamist and be subject to the penalties which can generally mean jail time. So, if it were a religious institutions thing to marry you, it would be the religious institutions thing to grant or deny you a divorce.

The priest said his job was to ‘bless’ the marriage. When you go to a wedding and the couple goes off to the sacristy or the small room next to the altar where they are supposedly being ‘married’, that is the point at which they are really married. They sign all the documents and it becomes official. The signing doesn’t have to be done in a side room, but it generally is to take the congregations mind off the fact that this is a State ceremony not a religious ceremony.

Isn’t that something!!! And all the time I thought the religious people were the ones doing the marrying of people. Then why are the religious institutions so upset about this new thing of men marrying men and women marrying women? And – more than that, I now undertand why it was so important for the future of marriage and the shape it will take when Obama came out to give same sex marrying his ‘blessing.’ He can’t marry anyone unless he is licensed by the State in which they are being married, but its nice to have the President of all the States ‘blessing’ marriage. Now I get it!

So what does all this mean? Now that my eyes are open they are taking in all kind of questions. If ‘marriage’ is a state institution, why was marriage as a civil contract so upsetting to the homosexual and lesbian communities? They could have entered into a civil contract just like any businesses or individuals enter into.

When the Church says “what God has joined together let no one put asunder” – does that mean we are equating God to the State? What does a religious institutions ‘divorce’ or ‘annulment’ mean? Since they bless the marriage does that mean their ‘divorce’ means they are taking back that blessing – especially since that is all they do? They can’t break a civil contract so where do we go from here?

How does a civil contract become a sacrement of the Church? Doesn’t this violate the separation of Church and State? Oh my! I could go on and on and on. Would the Homosexual/Lesbian community been better off fighting to redefine the benefits of this State Institution so the rest of us could also benefit? – like – should the benefits of today’s marriage be automatically given to one’s ‘spouse’ – as defined under our current mess of a marriage structure or should the person be able to decide who gets these benfits? – like Who can visit them in the hospital when it is closed to all except close family?, – who gets their Social Security benefits, etc. etc.

The marriage laws in the U. S. were based on the slavery laws which existed before Emancipation of the African slaves – what does that mean for the institution of marriage. All of this fighting for same sex marriage hasn’t addressed any of that. Are the homosexual and lesbian communities fighting for one of their marriage partners to be the ‘slave’ and the other to be the ‘free and superior person’? What for! Or – Is this fight for same sex marriage really a tool being used to change the conversation – from reform of the institution to granting a new group the right to marry and to participate in the same old institution which saw an unbelievably huge number of divorces take place with children, property, etc. all destroyed – and the State Marriage Laws being used as a tool for the redistribution of property to others outside the marriage – like lawyers and their associated helpers in this divorce process? (The lawyer didn’t bring up that one – that’s my question and observation.)

All of these years and I thought the priest was marrying all those people whose weddings I attended and all along that was just not true. He/she was there as a representative of the State – not even there as a representative of their particular religious institution – and the couple were the real ‘ministers’ at their wedding.

What one learns in bed & breakfast is astounding! Wouldn’t give it up for the world.

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This is a curated blog so you cannot write your responses at the end of each entry. TO RESPOND TO THIS BLOG email bettina-network@comcast.net or info@bettina-network.com

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Tags: bed & breakfast, breakfast table talk, who performs the marriage ceremony
Posted in Breakfast Table Talk, Historical Support, Making Connections | Comments Off on Marriage Talk at a Bettina Network Home

Breakfast Table Talk about Debit Cards

Sunday, May 6th, 2012

We’ve had a two day breakfast session. The first morning we casually talked about banks, credit cards, debit cards and the rip-off happening to all of us. One guest at the table was a banker. I should say a disillusioned banker who was dealing with how to maintain the ethical base with which he was raised and continue to work for a bank – or should he change jobs!! It was fascinating stuff to take home and think about.

In todays market that is a difficult option, especially since he has worked in banks most of his adult life and it was his chosen field. He is still pretty young, but after several years in the banking world it takes a better economy than the one in which we are functioning to allow him to make such a change.

The disillusioned banker and the woman who was confused about her debit card provided us with two days of great conversation and amazing information. She wanted to know what we thought about debit cards and that sent the conversation off to the races.

The banker gave her an analysis, which is why the conversation carried on into the next day. She went back to her room, pulled up her bank statement from her computer, printed it and brought it to breakfast the next morning. She was still confused as to what the debit card cost her and she wanted to take advantage of being able to talk to a banker, who was not her own banker and who was in a mood to provide accurate information, which she didn’t expect her banker to do.

He looked at her bank statement – which kind of freaked out the rest of us with all of our privacy issues – but we were just as interested in seeing her bank statement as was the banker and it got passed around the table. I have never experienced that before – ever.

When he finished calculating what it cost her to use a debit card we were all ready to cut up all of our cards – credit as well as debit cards. Thought the rest of you might be interested in this analysis so it follows in as good a recollection and synopsis as I can come up with. I wish I could give you the figures, but I didn’t want to be too obvious and she had already braved her privacy needs to bring her bank statement to breakfast so I don’t want to make her particular figures public. You probably wouldn’t know her anyway, but I still can’t overcome my huge privacy needs to even give you the particulars on Ms. Anonymous:

1) She liked the fact that money was immediately moved from her checking account whenever she made a purchase with her debit card – kept her honest, she said. The banker said she shouldn’t be so happy about that because even though the amount of money she received on her balance was really small, it was her money and when she had this immediate withdrawal upon using the card, she was receiving less money that month on her balances than if she used a check to pay for her purchases. Since she used her debit card several times during the month, that could add up as that meant there were many days during which her balances were reduced prematurely when money was withdrawn immediately upon the use of the card.

By using a check instead of a debit card for her purchases, the money would stay in her account two or three days longer and for someone who had a minimum balance to maintain for the kind of account she had, that could be important and could begin to add up to nice amounts of money. Although from her bank statement she wasn’t hurting for money – still as the banker said, it was her money and she should not be prey to the banks, thinking up new ways to relieve her of her funds.

Well, that was an eye opener which none of us thought about before, but not a biggy since we realized something like that was going on – the bank benefiting from one of its products and we losing money from the same. It is what we have been conditioned to look at as ‘normal’ and ‘acceptable’ banking practices. It was just a few dollars to us, but major income for the bank when they could keep our money in their account instead of in ours and get a free ride with a huge accumulation of such monies for a couple days.

“Our banker” as we began to call him, then calculated what the bank was making – in addition to the money moving from her account to theirs’ where it ‘cured’ for a few days with their pennies making pennies for them instead of our pennies making pennies for us, before it was collected by whatever entity it was going to for her purchases.

2) Every time you make a purchase with your debit card, the merchant you are paying has to pay the bank somewhere around 1 or 2 percent or some where inbetween to pay for the cost of making that transaction possible. We didn’t understand that. We knew that happened with credit cards, but didn’t understand why that cost wasn’t paid by the monies the bank made by keeping our money for the two or three days float they managed to secure by the way they set up the use of the debit card. We wanted to know why this extra charge was being put on our purchases – especially since we all knew the merchant would have to pass that cost along to us as an addition to the cost of whatever purchase we were making. No answer from anyone at the table until someone said the magic word “GREED”.

3) The third way banks make money on debit cards is via the ATM machines. Some banks charge to use their ATM machine and some don’t, so we didn’t consider that banks making money on our debit card use, but they do. So now I will always go to my bank to cash a check because my bank charges for use of their ATM machine – I never seem to be in the category of no charge for use of those machines. She wasn’t either since her bank statement showed several ATM charges. OR when I make a deposit I will take cash out with which to survive so I don’t have to go to the ATM machines.

Wow! After that I am paying for my purchases by check and having cash on hand to pay for the little things so I don’t have to use either credit or debit card or ATM machine. The next thing you know I will be withdrawing my cash from under my mattress – talk about back to the past. Why did we need banks in the first place?

Not one of the above was a lot of money for any one of us, but when you add them all together and multiply by tens of thousands of such amounts, the bank is doing very well and we are not doing so well. This is hard-earned money the bank takes away from most of us. The bank gets very fat; messes over people like us who provide them with an incredibly luxurious lifestyle and we get to scrimp our pennies to live just reasonably well. No wonder the Occupy people are out on the streets. I am beginning to better understand some of their issues.

My debit card is no longer usable because I cancelled it right after that breakfast. The bank said I didn’t need to cancel the card I should just stop using it and keep it for emergencies. Somehow, I didn’t think that was said in my best interest so I insisted that the card be cancelled.

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Want to join us? Have a home that you want to open to become one of Bettina Network’s Hedge Schools? Call us and lets talk – or email us.

Send your event information to be included in Bettina Network’s Menu of Events to: bettina-network@comcast.net

This is a curated blog so you cannot write your responses at the end of each entry. TO RESPOND TO THIS BLOG email bettina-network@comcast.net or info@bettina-network.com

TO LEARN MORE about Bettina Network, inc. try www.bettina-network.com

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1-800-347-9166 inside the U. S. or 617 497 9166 outside or inside the U. S.

Tags: Banks and Banking, bed & breakfast, breakfast table talk, economic downturn, politics
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Society Overwhelmed by Pedophilia?

Thursday, April 19th, 2012

ED. NOTE: I had to think long and hard before publishing this, however, it was a breakfast table discussion and everyone was very passionate about this so we print it for you to read and think about.

Breakfast started innocently enough with one guest having read an article that morning about a priest being defrocked because of the sexual abuse of children. None of us was particularly interested in the topic until one person put forward her theory and then the breakfast table came alive.

We have all heard and read more than we ever wanted to know about this disease. It has taken center stage often over the past several years and we wanted to know what has caused such a large outbreak. What has happened to society that this is something we have to worry about and from which we have to protect our children?

What changed and has moved forward and grown in the same time frame that Pedophilia has been on the rise in the society and is related!!!

If you have gone to a major fashion show over the past 30 or more years and especially watched the shows of the hot, new and well-known fashion designers, whose clothes command four, five and sometimes six figures, I am sure you’ve noticed that the models are about 13, 14, 15 years old. They look more like little boys than young women who can carry off elegant designs. The designers and their models – the children – who strut down the runways, have had an enormous influence in the society – as has their “strut.”

Years ago – in ancient times – back in the 1950’s, one had to be 35 years or older to be a model because the clothes were very elegant and meant for women, not for the too thin, malnourished-druggie looking young kids who are too underdeveloped to be the women they are trying to mimic and replace. We wondered if some of these young children weren’t pre-puberty! And where were their parents?

As the fashion industry changed and the models became ever younger with the clothes designed to make young girls look like young boys, pedophilia began its rise.

We were not worried about offending anyone in this conversation because it was just us talking around the breakfast table about something we all had been thinking, but no one had the courage to say out loud because we all thought, maybe we were on the wrong track and had gotten the wrong opinion – after all, would not the media, the magazines, the arbiters of good taste, who love to criticize and find the flaw in everything, have come out knocking this if such a horrid pedophilia-encouraging development were connected? But that “wrong” opinion was shared by everyone around the table. A couple felt relieved to be able to say these things out loud and not be put down or ridiculed.

It has been difficult to be over 35 and a size 12 or 14 and find clothes that are elegant and wonderful on your body. We’ve had many friends talking about “augmenting” their breasts and we wondered – what on earth for – the clothes you buy don’t fit anyone, even a size 4 who has a breast-size larger than a 32 double A. – The ideal female figure to fit into these clothes is stick straight – with none or very few curves which are then hidden and minimized.

The “glamour” “top” models are curve-less. The older models who have to think about retiring or about getting into something else, are about 35. When someone still looks pretty terrific at 49 it is considered quite an achievement. We knew and know women in their 60’s, 70’s and 80’s who look sensational. It was a common occurrence decades ago. Today, we consider them over the hill and ancient. In the 1950’s they were the ones wearing the designer original clothes and looking exceptionally good in them because their age and experience allowed them to carry off these beautiful clothes.

We didn’t know how this phenomena of the rise of the 13 to 20 year old super model connects with pedophilia, but it certainly appeared to us that one was the genesis of the other.

We knew there were pedophiles in society before today. But the difference between today and way back in ancient times is in the numbers and the fact that today, children are not safe and parents have to keep a vigilant, constant eye out for adults trying to solicit their child. And the children walking down the adult runways in the top fashion shows in New York, Paris, etc. have changed the age range – and the definition of what is sexy. Years ago, it was a mature woman. Today, it is a child.

When the definition of what is sexy is changed to a 13 year old emaciated child either with make-up to look like someone on an extended bad drug trip or naturally looking like that because that is indeed their problem, then it seemed to us that increasing incidents of pedophilia and increasing numbers of pedophiles in this society is the natural result.

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Tags: bed & breakfast, breakfast table talk, children, designer originals, fashion shows, high fashion
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A Weight Loss Tip!

Wednesday, April 11th, 2012

Over the breakfast table we heard about cinnamon and weight loss. We tried it and amazingly it works. We tried the suggestion which said have a cup of warm milk (whole milk – preferably non-homogenized and non-pasteurized, but if you can’t get that the regular pasteurized milk is fine. The non-homogenized is available under the “Sky Top” brand available at Whole Foods and possibly other places.

Make sure the cinnamon is the real cinnamon or Ceylon Cinnamon. After trying it for a couple weeks I am down 6 pounds.

I would suggest you try this for a few weeks and then go off the cinnamon. The body is an amazing thing – it acclimates to what you are doing very easily so to keep the cinnamon for weight loss viable, give it up after a few weeks and take it up again later.

You might try raspberry ketones as a substitute for the cinnamon in warm milk when you give it up. We have not tried this, but I heard about it on Dr. Oz. He said his “medical group” looked into this and found it effective for weight loss.

We also ‘googled’ cinnamon for weight loss and found many articles saying how great it is – so our bed & breakfast guest who talked about this and got everyone excited about the possibilities knew what she was talking about.

We also understand it might be effective against diabetes because of how Ceylon cinnamon acts in the body relative to your blood sugar levels.

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Another Civil War in America

Friday, April 6th, 2012

This could be subtitled “democracy vs dictatorship”.

It was a very exciting morning to be a part of a discussion on this topic which I had not thought about in terms of our being in the middle of a civil war between those who want us to be a democracy and those who prefer the corporate structure to carry over into our government structure and who would like our president to be a corporate-type leader rather than the head of a democratic government. It has been staring me in the face for years and I just didn’t get it. This breakfast was like a light coming on – hey, that is really where we are. It is becoming more overt and not happening on a covert level anymore, so the din is getting louder from those who object and who are fighting to maintain a democracy against those who are moving to take it over and convert it into a corporate-type structure (more so than it is already).

Corporate executives are not elected by the general populace – sometimes by an executive committee and sometimes by just a couple people at the top – appointed by those who control behind the scenes.

I have been very upheaveled about the political scene and what is going on with the Democratic and Republican parties, but to think of it as a civil war and a huge fight between the forces of democracy and those trying to turn this country into a dictatorship is a new idea.

The discussion moved fast and furious. It started with a few minutes talk about the media’s role. It was about the hundreds of millions of dollars being spent on political campaigns. We have gone crazy trying to secure power for four years by spending like ‘drunken sailors’.

Projected from the primary to the Presidential Campaign it looks as though some two billion dollars or more will be spent. Spent on what? It will be spent on the media, the poll takers, the candidate and his retinue. Even on clothes so the political candidates and their families will look the part – remember the fight which broke out between Sara Palin and those who thought she spent too much of the campaigns money on clothes? That was but a drop in the bucket compared to the amount spent on poll takers. They must live off these campaigns – telling them on a minute by minute basis almost where everyone is -what the public is doing – which way they are leaning, etc. IT seemed to us that an honest politician wouldn’t need so much money if he or she didn’t feel they needed to support the poll taker companies in high style. When did that happen? You can’t run today – or so some politicians think – if you can’t afford to pay the multi-millions to the pollsters.

The money spent with the media will also be enormous – no wonder their reporting is so skewered. Would the media be able to survive without the political campaigns? It is spent, apparently – according to this breakfast table talk – to entertain the masses who will get caught up in the drama of it all and not see the lack of substance.

We have had breakfast table talk in the past about how campaigns and the politicians in the Senate and the House are looking more and more like Southern politicians from the days of Huey Long and friends – or even Strom Thurman and his buddies. The fighting, name calling, oppressing one group against the other to get the public angry so they will vote for you out of that anger and need to be protected against the sub-humans, etc. – that all has been going on in the Southern United States for generations. It was very entertaining; vicious; lively and when it was over everyone went back to being friends and family. This political fighting is such that when it is over one won’t be able or want to go back to being friends and family. We will all be us and them, the good and the bad, those who are with us and the enemy outside of our group.

This breakfast conversation had more than a modicum of truth. Our businesses are oligarchies with the little guys struggling to succeed under the weight of the oligarchies which are tryiing to make sure they don’t succeed – or if it looks as though the little guys may be on to something in their struggling businesses, to gobble them up before they get too strong a toehold. I had not thought of our politicians as fighting it out for the corporate leaders to be the power people and to destroy the democratic leaders because they get in the way.

Corporations in a democratic society are an anomaly to begin with. They have money and power and have been gradually taking over trying to move us to the brink of fascism or, at the very least, dictatorship. We have reached the tipping point and all of a sudden everyone is waking up to see they may soon be living in a country which is on its way to becoming controlled by the few – with the vote gone – the democracy a thing of the past – and where did these corporate fellows come from? They used to stay in their corporations, working hard to make lots of money and now they are all over the place running for office or putting up multi-millions for their minions to run for office and the country changes. And I do mean fellows because women don’t fit in this scenario. Well, maybe they fit a little as distractions to push up front with the name calling, the anger making, an excuse for the rough stuff.

I was amazed to hear what is going on in Michigan. Democracy is being replaced with a dictatorship or worse under the name of saving the state from bankruptcy or worse. Democracy does have its problems and to solve them can be a messy process, especially if you want to solve the problems in the context of the democracy and not change to the more efficient fascist model. The democratic model will be lots of people involved trying things that don’t work and hitting on some that do work almost by accident; being concerned about the freedom and interest of the minority as well as the majority; and being ethical in choices even though it is not the most expedient way to do things. If you prefer the dictatorship, fascist model that is efficient, quick and oppressive to the many who then have to live under that system then your results will be quick and look good for a time, until the price, all those who have to live under that dictatorship, have to pay becomes obvious and they begin to have to pay the price of no freedom, no vote, no voice in their government, etc.

It was quite a breakfast and will cause me to think long and hard about choices in this coming election time!!! And in the times after this one – to make my choices dependent upon who respects this system more and wants to see it maintained and refined along the lines of a democracy – not changed into something less with the excuse that dictatorships work better. What is not said – they work better for the very few who succeed and thrive while the sacrifices of the many become more destructive to those who have to support the success of the few.

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Tags: bed & breakfast, breakfast table talk, democracy, dictatorships, politics
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A Thought for the Day

Monday, March 26th, 2012

Friends are people who were and are there when no one else is …………………

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Washing Linens, Towels and everything else

Sunday, March 11th, 2012

We have been trying for several years to come up with the best way to wash bed linens and bathroom towels – because that is important in bed & breakfast.

We were especially concerned about having soft towels and the smell which we sometimes could not get out of the sheets without several washings.

We tried every fabric softener on the market. They all do the same thing and none really great. -They give the towels, particularly, a slimy feel rather than a clean fluffy feel. The towels, after they have been through the wash with fabric softener, are too soft and too greasy to think that is a good solution. Having done a bit of research on this, I find that is because the fibers are coated with chemicals – that can’t be good! Especially when the results we were trying to achieve were not happening. And, what happens to the chemicals which coat the towel fabric? Do they go on your face when you wipe with the towels? Or on other parts of the body?

Trying to wash towels and bed linens without a fabric softener left the towels really scratchy and uncomfortable to use. You wouldn’t want to wrap up in the very large bath towels because that would not meet the ‘feel good warm and cozy’ test.

We received many suggestions about putting White Vinegar into the rinse water. However, after having worked with White Vinegar and knowing from whence it has come, we discarded that idea.

We put organic apple cider vinegar with the ‘mother’, in the washing machine in the small box which asks for fabric softener.

We fully expected to ruin all of the clothes in the machine because we expected there would be residue from the organic apple cider vinegar, especially since we were using the ‘mother’ so we couldn’t think beyond = ‘there goes the wash’.

We couldn’t use a lot of the apple cider vinegar because the container of our LG Washing machine would only hold what seemed to be less than 1/4 cup, so while we tried it anyway, our hopes were not high for success.

The results, however, were spectacular.

With bed & breakfast guests, some are exceptionally clean and their bedding doesn’t have an odor when they leave. Some people, even though they wash, leave behind an odor in the sheets which doesn’t always leave after the sheets have been through the wash, so we have been super concerned to get the odors out. Basically, we assumed if there was an odor there was bacteria still in the sheets and towels.

Putting organic apple cider vinegar in the fabric softener container of the washing machine solved the problem. And weren’t we surprised!! We found organic apple cider vinegar worked wonders as an anti-perspirant, but we couldn’t make the leap to the washing machine.

When the clothes came out of the washer, there was no odor left in any of the sheets, towels or clothes. The towels were softened to perfection. They had no slimy feel, which happened when we used commercial fabric softeners. We don’t have to worry about people being allergic to the linens or towels because of how and with what they were washed and the towels were neither too soft nor too hard and scratchy. The towels were sturdy enough to allow one to dry one’s face when you wanted a little roughness to get the blood circulating, but not much. And they were soft and nice enough to please those who wanted soft towels. The same thing happened to the bathrobes. They are perfect after coming out of the organic apple cider vinegar rinse.

My great-grandmother used to put her clothes through a vinegar rinse – I should have had more respect and given her the credit she deserved for the things she knew and did. Is this how sexism works? – hand and glove with the marketing and advertising machine? If young people don’t learn the lessons from their families, but from what used to be called “Madison Avenue” we are all doomed to destruction- a slow excruciatingly painful destruction via cancer, and all the other degenerative diseases.

How fantastic is it to find something your great-grandmother used on a daily basis with no bells and whistles. That was just how she did things. It can make you feel kind of foolish to know what you have looked all over creation for was right under your nose from the time you were a child. I have the marketing and advertising people to thank for that, along with the forces in society which made me turn to my peers rather than my family to learn these kinds of lessons. Now I understand why Martha Stewart became such a phenom. All the lessons we didn’t learn and when we turned around to try to back track to learn them we could not break through the veil. The silence from our families could not be bridged.

I used to think my grandmother and great-grandmother were really out of touch with today’s society and here I find if I turn back to try to remember what they did, it is safer, purer and better for all of us. Now, not everything they did is so relevant, but I will be going over their lifestyle as I remember it to see what else I can salvage. I am sure many of you have or are experiencing the same thing. Give your mothers, grandmothers and great-grandmothers credit, gratitude and thanks.

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Tags: Apple cider vinegar, bed & breakfast, breakfast table talk, fluffy towels, health, Housekeeping, washing clothes
Posted in Breakfast Table Talk, Health, Health and Beauty, Housekeeping | Comments Off on Washing Linens, Towels and everything else

A Final Tribute

Thursday, February 16th, 2012

Ed. Note: Because we had so much response to the Bettina Network Blog on Whitney Houston and because we had questions we couldn’t properly answer and comments we didn’t want to put in the blog – there would have been many by now – mostly repetitive – we decided to reprint (with permission) – this article written by Marc Morial, who has written a fantastic column which covers it all and we commend this to you without reservations or further comments.

“The Incomparable Whitney Houston
To Be Equal #7

Syndicated Weekly Column by National Urban League President & CEO Marc H. Morial
“To me Whitney was THE VOICE. We got to hear a part of God every time she sang.” – Oprah Winfrey on the death of Whitney Houston

FEBRUARY 15, 2012 – Billie Holiday was 44. Judy Garland was 47. Dinah Washington was 39. Michael Jackson was 51. Jimi Hendrix was 28. Janis Joplin was 27. Amy Winehouse was 28. And Whitney Houston lived only 48 years on this earth. I was one of millions of people around the world who were stunned to learn of the untimely death of pop-music queen, Whitney Houston last Saturday. Like so many other entertainers who died too young, Whitney was blessed with a divine talent but also haunted by a heavy load of troubles.

Throughout much of the 1980’s and 90’s, Whitney Houston reigned as the undisputed queen of pop. With songs like “The Greatest Love of All,” and “I Will Always Love You,” she set a standard as an octave-shattering virtuoso who brought both elegance and a gospel-tinged intensity to her work in studio and on stage. That was surely a natural outgrowth of her church choir roots and being the daughter of classy gospel legend, Cissy Houston.

Whitney got her start singing in the junior choir of Newark, New Jersey’s New Hope Baptist Church, where her mother has served as Minister of Music for decades. Whitney also undoubtedly benefited from the influences of other great musical talents in her family. Dionne Warwick was her cousin. And Aretha Franklin was her Godmother. But, Whitney was a pure original.

In addition to setting the music world on fire and influencing such performers as Mariah Carey, Beyoncé and Jennifer Hudson, Whitney also excelled as an actress, and had starring roles in such movies as “The Bodyguard,” “Waiting to Exhale” and “The Preacher’s Wife.” Her final film, “Sparkle,” a remake of the 1976 movie about three sisters from Harlem who form a singing group, is set to be released in August.

It is a sad irony that Whitney Houston died on the eve of this year’s Grammy Awards. The winner of six Grammys herself, Whitney was preparing to attend a pre-Grammy party given by her mentor, the legendary music producer, Clive Davis. Her body was found Saturday afternoon in the bath tub of her room at the Beverly Hilton Hotel in Los Angeles. As of this writing, the exact cause of her death is still unknown.

In her 2009 interview with Oprah Winfrey, Whitney revealed for the first time, some of the most intimate details about her troubled marriage to Bobby Brown, the deep feelings she had for her mother and her daughter, Bobbie Kristina, and her struggles with drugs. She candidly admitted to Oprah that at times “It was too much. So much to try to live up to, to try to be, and I wanted out.” Through it all, Whitney said she was constantly reading her bible and trying to get back to God. While we are all shocked and saddened by her death, I am hopeful that Whitney Houston’s life and incomparable musical gifts will inspire others to let nothing stand in the way of the full and healthy expression of their God-given talents. Our thoughts and prayers are with Cissy, Bobbie Kristina and the entire Houston family.”

And from the Bettina Network:
May the Lord Bless and Keep you Whitney,
May God’s face shine upon you and be gracious unto you;
May God lift up that exquisite, peaceful and loving countenance upon you and give you peace
Now and forever….Amen and Amen!

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Tags: African American history, bed & breakfast, breakfast table talk, Whitney Houston
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Thanks for the Whitney Houston Blog!

Monday, February 13th, 2012

I read the blog and was homesick for my Bettina fix – to use the current language being thrown around about Whitney Houston! I love staying in your homes. You didn’t say which home had this breakfast conversation. It doesn’t matter. I’ve stayed in two different homes, loved every minute and went home excited about life.

I appreciated the blog because I expect every media will be rushing to get out a story of how Whitney Houston died from drugs – whether its true or not – they have to create that impression. The same thing happened with Michael Jackson. It is so sad that we don’t have a media doing great investigative reporting and giving us the results, which are facts and not this mythological creation.

My concern is for Whitney’s daughter. With her mother gone, Bobbi Brown will probably be a larger influence on her and that is so sad. After helping to destroy her mother, the other women in Whitney’s family – who are clearly very strong and very independent, need to take hold of this young woman and keep Bobbi Brown away. That sounds cruel, but she needs a chance to get to adulthood and into a secure life without him taking advantage of a very vulnerable moment in her life and working his ugliness.

I am sure he loves his daughter, but from everything I’ve seen he will not take care of her in a way that is beneficial to her, but to him and we have seen what that meant in Whitney Houston’s life. The sorry thing about that is I don’t think Bobbi Brown is aware of just how negative an influence he is on the women in his life. That is the tragedy of all of this – he will continue and probably live a long life destroying women along the way.

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Tags: bed & breakfast, breakfast table talk, Whitney Houston
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A CALL TO ACTION

Thursday, December 15th, 2011

There are larger and larger pockets of people, organizations, families who are interested in their health – outside the so-called healthcare industry – and who are very disenchanted with the way the health of the average world citizen is being negatively affected by the joining forces of the technology industry, the food processing industry and big Pharma along with other medical research groups working together in their research labs looking for ‘greater’ discoveries for their mutual benefit while being blind, deaf and dumb to the health and well being of the rest of the world (including themselves and their progeny). There is no attention within these groups as to what affect their developments and research will have on the rest of us. We are interconnected in this world and it is time for these research groups to develop a model which acknowledges that and moves away from the model which allows their research scientists to wear blinders when developing their products and new breakthroughs.

There are drugs, protoccols, research going on to “treat” diseases which were non-existent just a generation ago.

I have talked with many people around the breakfast table about these issues – different serendipitously convened people with much the same conversation. This breakfast was special because it ended with a call to action. Hopefully, you will begin to hear from those who were around that table, their friends, relatives and all who they can enlist in this small attempt by one breakfast group to bring about change.

The breakfast ended – after much discussion about “organics,” “drug”, “genetic research”, “medical marijuana”, “acetominophen” and on and on – with a challenge to the few of us around that table to spread the word. We would like to see at least 25% of the monies spent on medical research – drug research, genetic research, new product research of any kind, all of it – spent on prevention and an understanding of how the results of all research will affect human beings – humanity – the animals, plants and humans who live on this planet.

Research to go into what is causing this huge disease epidemic in the world today. One which is spreading and will soon affect everyone in every country. Research on what is the best way to live avoiding the degeneration happening in our society from the processed foods, the poor environment, the new technologies which have serious health implications for all of us without our knowledge and more.

How are we going to put this into affect? We don’t know! We didn’t leave the breakfast table with a plan other than we would use our lives, work, friends, family, acquaintances, to spread that word and for each of us to do what we could where we were. My first action is to send you this blog from breakfast, hope you publish it and hope it strikes a nerve worldwide to start this movement.

NO COMPANY SHOULD BE ALLOWED TO DO ANY HEALTH or MEDICAL or DISEASE or NEW PRODUCT RESEARCH UNLESS TWENTY-FIVE PERCENT OF THE MONIES AND RESOURCES THEY SPEND ON THAT RESEARCH GOES INTO RESEARCH WHICH WILL KNOW HOW WHATEVER THEY ARE DOING WILL HELP TO PREVENT WHAT IS HAPPENING TO THE HUMAN RACE AS WE MOVE FASTER INTO A DISEASE RIDDEN SOCIETY.

Our conclusion was that we don’t need more drugs developed or more protoccols or more supposed responses to a ‘genetic’ deficiency causing bad health, new technology or other new products until we know their affect on the planet and it is positive with no side-affect. We need much more prevention research. Prevention, which will reach into all parts of the world to stop whatever is causing this incredible epidemic from which we all suffer.

Soon, the older people who lived and grew up in a society where the diseases and degenerative health we suffer from today as a general society was rare. People lived longer and healthier lives – goodness, scientific heresy – we were also tired of statistics being taken out of context to attempt to smooth over and cast in a different more acceptable light the reality of where we are all headed and that is not into a gloruous world of longer lived people who are happy and disease free. We are moving into a world where people live shorter lives, are miserable most of the time and don’t know why there are such growing numbers of people who can’t sleep, etc.

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Posts Tagged ‘breakfast table talk’

In Memory of Roger Fisher

The Brotherhood

Marriage Talk at a Bettina Network Home

Breakfast Table Talk about Debit Cards

Society Overwhelmed by Pedophilia?

A Weight Loss Tip!

Another Civil War in America

A Thought for the Day

Washing Linens, Towels and everything else

A Final Tribute

Thanks for the Whitney Houston Blog!

A CALL TO ACTION

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